Parenting
Nothing more annoying than a proud parent
Sep/06/08 09:31
I’m going to be one of those annoying proud parents
for a little while here and tell you some of my
favorite Sapphira stories from recent memory. If
that’s the kind of thing that makes you want to stand
in front of a wall and repeatedly bash your head into
said wall, go do that while I gush.
A couple of weeks ago Sapphira was standing in front of Banu’s laptop, watching Winnie the Pooh (an activity she begs to do around 2342 times per day). Banu heard a splattering sound on the floor (we have hardwood floors). She looked over, and Sapphira had taken her diaper off and was peeing on the floor. Banu said, “Sapphira! What are you doing?” Sapphira just looked back at her and said, “What?”
Sapphira still eats sand and dirt. Not as much as she used to, but she does.
Recent conversations with Sapphira often go like this:
“Sapphira!”
“What?”
“Come here.”
“What?”
“Come over here.”
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
“What?”
“Let go of the cat’s tail!”
“What?”
And so on. She keep asking what long after its use is justified.
Sapphira learned her first swear word. Luckily, no one outside the family has heard her say it yet, so DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) hasn’t come over yet to investigate. Yesterday we went to this local BBQ joint called Holy Smoke BBQ. Great BBQ, btw. So anyway, we ate outside, and Banu went inside to the bathroom. Sapphira noticed that Banu was gone, got up from her chair, and went over to the window to look into the restaurant. She turned to me and asked, “Mommy?” I said, “She’s inside. She’ll be right back.” Sapphira said, “Bullshit!”
I’m not sure if she meant “Bullshit, you’re lying to me!” or “That’s bullshit! She should stay outside!” but either way the message got through. Don’t yank Sapphira’s chain, or she’ll call “Bullshit!” on your ass.
When Sapphira is drinking a bottle (go ahead and call DCFS on that one. Yes, she’s twenty months old tomorrow. Yes, she still drinks from a bottle. However, she also drinks from regular cups instead of sippy (read lame cups for kids on the short bus (and yes, I’m nesting my parentheses, like a true computer geek)) cups, she knows 23-26 letters (depending on the day) of the alphabet on sight. She knows half a dozen colors and she knows bullshit when she hears it, so call DCFS if you must, but I think she’ll be ok). So when Sapphira is drinking a bottle, she’ll repeatedly rub and pat my back while she’s drinking. Almost makes me cry.
To elaborate on the Winnie-the-Pooh pleading ritual: she’ll walk up to me, put her hand on my knee, or worse, grab my hand gently, tilt her head, smile, pull gently on my hand and say, “PoohTidder? PoohTidder?” All while looking cuter than the legal limit on cute. It works just consistently enough for her to keep doing it, which works for both of us, because I love seeing her manipulate me so effectively already. I’m impressed by her precociousness when it comes to getting me to do see things her way, and she loves watching Pooh.
She still naps every day, and if she misses a nap, EVERY! LITTLE! THING! sounds like it could end her life if she doesn’t get it RIGHT! NOW! She gets whiny and frantic and basically starts looking around for things to freak out over. We have to take great pains to calm her down long enough to read a story and get her into bed.
All day long Sapphira walks around looking at things and doing things, and she says “Wow!” earnestly every time. She’s saying “Wow” all day long, and it helps me remember that there’s some pretty cool shit going on all around us if we just stop, forget that the first game of the football season starts in 10 minutes and that we still have to bring the groceries in and unpack them and get upstairs before kickoff, and instead notice that there’s one of those black and orange caterpillars walking across the floor of the garage and if you put your hand in front of it, it will crawl over your hand and that tickles. Wow!
A couple of weeks ago Sapphira was standing in front of Banu’s laptop, watching Winnie the Pooh (an activity she begs to do around 2342 times per day). Banu heard a splattering sound on the floor (we have hardwood floors). She looked over, and Sapphira had taken her diaper off and was peeing on the floor. Banu said, “Sapphira! What are you doing?” Sapphira just looked back at her and said, “What?”
Sapphira still eats sand and dirt. Not as much as she used to, but she does.
Recent conversations with Sapphira often go like this:
“Sapphira!”
“What?”
“Come here.”
“What?”
“Come over here.”
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
“What?”
“Let go of the cat’s tail!”
“What?”
And so on. She keep asking what long after its use is justified.
Sapphira learned her first swear word. Luckily, no one outside the family has heard her say it yet, so DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) hasn’t come over yet to investigate. Yesterday we went to this local BBQ joint called Holy Smoke BBQ. Great BBQ, btw. So anyway, we ate outside, and Banu went inside to the bathroom. Sapphira noticed that Banu was gone, got up from her chair, and went over to the window to look into the restaurant. She turned to me and asked, “Mommy?” I said, “She’s inside. She’ll be right back.” Sapphira said, “Bullshit!”
I’m not sure if she meant “Bullshit, you’re lying to me!” or “That’s bullshit! She should stay outside!” but either way the message got through. Don’t yank Sapphira’s chain, or she’ll call “Bullshit!” on your ass.
When Sapphira is drinking a bottle (go ahead and call DCFS on that one. Yes, she’s twenty months old tomorrow. Yes, she still drinks from a bottle. However, she also drinks from regular cups instead of sippy (read lame cups for kids on the short bus (and yes, I’m nesting my parentheses, like a true computer geek)) cups, she knows 23-26 letters (depending on the day) of the alphabet on sight. She knows half a dozen colors and she knows bullshit when she hears it, so call DCFS if you must, but I think she’ll be ok). So when Sapphira is drinking a bottle, she’ll repeatedly rub and pat my back while she’s drinking. Almost makes me cry.
To elaborate on the Winnie-the-Pooh pleading ritual: she’ll walk up to me, put her hand on my knee, or worse, grab my hand gently, tilt her head, smile, pull gently on my hand and say, “PoohTidder? PoohTidder?” All while looking cuter than the legal limit on cute. It works just consistently enough for her to keep doing it, which works for both of us, because I love seeing her manipulate me so effectively already. I’m impressed by her precociousness when it comes to getting me to do see things her way, and she loves watching Pooh.
She still naps every day, and if she misses a nap, EVERY! LITTLE! THING! sounds like it could end her life if she doesn’t get it RIGHT! NOW! She gets whiny and frantic and basically starts looking around for things to freak out over. We have to take great pains to calm her down long enough to read a story and get her into bed.
All day long Sapphira walks around looking at things and doing things, and she says “Wow!” earnestly every time. She’s saying “Wow” all day long, and it helps me remember that there’s some pretty cool shit going on all around us if we just stop, forget that the first game of the football season starts in 10 minutes and that we still have to bring the groceries in and unpack them and get upstairs before kickoff, and instead notice that there’s one of those black and orange caterpillars walking across the floor of the garage and if you put your hand in front of it, it will crawl over your hand and that tickles. Wow!
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